Conflict is a normal occurrence, yet people fear it and take precious energy and efforts to avoid it, in turn, sometimes exacerbating the situation. When conflict resolution skills are strong, the organization will be more effective, the company — and the property professionals — will have more of their needs met and stress levels will be considerably reduced. Not fearing conflict is energizing: To eagerly jump into the resolution process, knowing that having the difficult conversations now will result in higher satisfaction to all parties involved sooner, is a liberating sensation.
What is Conflict
Assuming that disagreement is conflict can produce conflict itself. People can disagree, yet not have conflict. For example, the manager who keeps 38 folders to locate emails and the employee who has five folders and uses the search index proficiently can agree to disagree without any side effects.
People can also have conflict in spite of agreeing: Two engineers want to help with a new project but the daily maintenance work must continue so it seems neither will be able to meet his or her needs. Conflict exists when what we want appears incompatible with what the other party wants. The key term is “appears.” Sometimes what appears as an unsolvable conflict is not.
Uncover Causes to Find Agreement
Almost anything can be the source of conflict. What’s amazing is not that there are so many grounds for disagreement, but that we don’t have more. We give and take in relationships every day. So often and so automatically, in fact, that we are often unaware of it. Watch out for these six key grounds for conflict:
- Facts/Data: When facts aren’t straight or everyone is not aware of the same data, problems can surface. A bookkeeper recalls the report as due on the 15th; the boss remembers it as the 5th and thinks it’s late.
- Goals/Objectives: Unexpressed (or not agreed to) expectations are essentially unilateral, and when it’s assumed there is agreement, a wedge is created for understanding and agreement. A salesperson thinks 20 sales is an exceptional goal; another thinks 30, so thinks the other is a poor performer.
- Methods: Believing the proverb “What’s good for the goose…” applies in all situations can raise many an issue. One person’s skills aren’t strong and takes three hours to do the work; another person thinks it should take two, so perceives the other as slow.
- Structural: Hierarchy and authority are big issues in the workplace. A coworker has greater approval limits than another and believes that indicates complete authority; the other is jealous.
- Relationships: Personal connections, likes and political agendas can be deadly. One employee is given the choice assignments, so other employees don’t like him.
- Personal Inference and Values: These are the most difficult to uncover, define, rectify and often even to discuss. It’s normal to see the world through personal filters and hard to recognize, making them all the more dangerous. Individuals’ emotions, senses, desire for authority and control, interpretation of right and wrong, and the like all contribute to the cause of the conflict as well as how resolution should take place to be successful.
Before resolution efforts can make progress, the underlying causes must be fleshed out and carefully planned discussions (sometimes using a moderator) are the only reliable vehicle to do so. For example, in one such discussion it was discovered that one employee gave another a birthday gift. Unwrapping the gift, she finds it is something she has. “Thank you but I have one,” she said, and the gift-giver was offended, resulting in the two’s discord harming the entire office.
Using private discussions, it was first uncovered that the gift exchange started the conflict. More in-depth investigation revealed the recipient’s culture taught her it would be an insult to take something she already had. In her mind, keeping it would have been the insulting thing to do. With the personal inference and values discovered, and after an emotionally-charged mediated conversation, the two walk away as friends again and the office gets its productivity back.
Use an Interest Base of Reference
Once the basis for the conflict is uncovered, the parties’ requests are next for investigation. What is presented as the solution may not necessarily be the answer. Anytime a person’s requests are filled and yet remains dissatisfied with the results, it’s a sure sign that what he or she wanted was not the accurate solution to achieve satisfaction. The interests under the surface request need to be addressed for solutions to stick.
People present their “positions” — how they want the conflict resolved — as their solution. However, that position isn’t the whole story. There are “interests” — why people want what they want and the reasons they feel the way they feel — behind the position they present. Interests tell why something is important. Interests are often not disclosed without prompting; some people have trouble identifying (and admitting) them to themselves. Thus, the skills of the person working on resolution are crucial to success. Violating peoples’ interests are reasons for conflict. Addressing those interests provide fixes that work.
For instance, a maintenance engineer working in a tenant space rushes off to handle an emergency, leaving a mess in the tenant space in the process. What the tenant says he wants seems apparent to both parties and is expressed clearly: His solution (position) is that someone clean the mess immediately and that it never occur again. His interests, however, are deeper…
The questions to ask for a satisfactory solution to this incident are these: Would the tenant be happy if only the space was cleaned? What are the tenant’s interests: Why does he want what he wants and how does he feel? The answers expose the true essence of the conflict: He feels taken advantage of — that the business, people’s time, etc. are not being respected. Perhaps, using time to resolve this, he was late to his daughter’s soccer game and felt he had disappointed her; now his self-image as a father is involved.
The position is presented as “clean up the mess,” but the interests are “prove to me you respect me and my business and know this has been an inconvenience.” When those interests are addressed, the resolution will last.
Work for Flexible Solutions
Addressing the interests instead of the position has an added benefit. It allows for alternative solutions. If there is only one position, it’s not collaborating or negotiating; it’s demanding.
For the tenant with the messy office, yes, his position of cleaning the space must be addressed, but knowing the principal interests opens up more solutions. Whether it is a direct, sincere statement acknowledging the tenant’s value, a basket of sweets presented to the office or a gift card for his daughter, treating the interests will result in lasting satisfaction.
Polish Your Skills
The ability to resolve conflicts is a learned skill, and one that all property professionals can use to their advantage throughout their career. Whether working with employees, contractors, tenants or supervisors, imagine the stress that will be avoided when conflict is not a scary monster kept out in the hall. Invite the monster in, satisfy its interests and the results will be worth it.
